we were determined to beat the odds

"Love is like a flower, and , like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness." (Spencer W. Kimball, Oneness in Marriage, Ensign, Mar. 1977, 5)

As a new bride, I was so excited to do things for my husband--iron his shirts, cook delicious meals, clean our home. But the thing I did most often was give foot rubs. Strange but he loved them.

"Friendship is...a vital and wonderful part of courtship and marriage. A relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship. Nothing is more inspiring in today's world of easily dissolved marriages than to observe a husband and wife quietly appreciating and enjoying each other's friendship year in and year out as they experience together the blessings and trials of mortality." (Marlin K. Jensen, Ensign, May 1999, 64)

Then children came along and we got wrapped up in making money and getting zero sleep. This wasn't good. According to James E. Faust what leads to divorce is "the lack of a constant enrichment in marriage,...an absence of that something extra which makes it precious, special, and wonderful, when it is also drudgery, difficult, and dull. Tin the enriching of marriage the big things are the little things. It is a constant appreciation for each other and a thoughtful demonstration of gratitude. It is the encouraging and the helping of each other to grow. Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine." (Ensign, Nov. 1977, 10-11) Since for us divorce was not an option, we made some changes. Although we were far from perfect in this pursuit, we were determined to beat the odds.

We were careful to continue dating. Mostly we did free things like taking walks and attending the temple. Sometimes we shared babysitting with other couples. Sometimes we hired babysitters. But to us this time alone together was a priority that made all the difference. Other things I did were to bring him breakfast in bed, give foot rubs, iron his shirts, and basically serve him through doing my homemaking job well. He brought me flowers and wrote little notes of love. He did the dishes or started a load of laundry. He tried never to leave messes around the house. For awhile we even did restaurant mystery shopping to pay for our dates.

"Keep your courtship alive. Make time to do things together--just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time alone together. Scheduling it will let your children know that you feel that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning, and scheduling." (Joe J. Christensen, Ensign May 1995, 65)

Then from time to time we would let things get in the way. Our Date night would get forgotten and swept out of our schedule. When this happened, everyone in the family suffered, because our relationship would always begin to sour. We would recommit and begin again. I think it's when we made a weekly temple commitment that this was finally set in stone. Although we aren't' perfect people and still have some problems, we get along so much better. It's as if making this commitment to each other has forged some new bond between us. As long as we attend the temple weekly, spend a bit of time gazing into each others eyes, and ignore the comments of nay sayers, we do great.

"Love in marriage is deep, inclusive, comprehensive. It is not like that association of the world which is misnamed love, but which is mostly physical attraction. When marriage is based on this only, the parties soon tire of one another...The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but spiritual attraction as well. It is faith and confidence in and understanding of, on another, It is a total partnership. It is companionship with common ideals and standards. It is unselfishness toward and sacrifice for one another. It is cleanliness of thought and action and faith in God and his program. It is parenthood... It is vast, all-inclusive, and limitless. This kind of love never tiers or wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity." (Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, 130-131)

This idea was so foreign to me. I did not understand it at all having never seen even a glimpse of it in my life. So many years ago I embarked on a journey through the scriptures to learn the meaning of love. On this journey I found this definition, which I memorized. "And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him." Moroni 7:45-48 A longer version is found in 1 Corinthians 13.

So if we strive to be patient, kind, not envious, not proud, unselfish, not given to anger, follow God's will and commandments, and thoughtful about life's trials, we will build a committed, affectionate, loving marriage. So together work on memorizing the definition of charity and commit to spend time together each week no matter what.