seek for and received divine help

It started in the sixth grade--I was 11. I remember my mother asked me to go to the fair with her. I said I wanted to go with friends, which didn't pan out. For weeks, nay months, afterward, I replayed the conversation with Mom over and over in my head. I saw in my mind her hurt and disappointed look. I wallowed in guilt and anxiety over this rather insignificant choice. These false thoughts would grow and grow until I was in full blow depression. Satan had found my weakness.

I lived this pattern for more than 25 years until I learned from scripture, a religious leader, and a couple secular sources that it was totally possible to conquer these false thoughts. "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:3-5


This was really helpful to learn. First, I was a stay at home mother of several children. Second, one of my young children confided that my bouts of depression were very scary. Third, I homeschooled. There really was not time for me to sink down into one of my funks. People depended on me. My house needed cleaning. Food needed to be cooked. Clothing needed washing. Children needed teaching and directing. When I remembered to slay the bad thoughts with prayer and obey God's command to serve with a cheerful heart, I could actually stop depression before it got too bad. If I let myself wallow in a vat of guilt over not accomplishing each and every task perfectly, it seemed I couldn't do anything. However, when I let go of my false thoughts and my ideal of the perfect homschooling mother, I found myself able to do so much more.

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." Mosiah 4:27

I also found that when I diligently took care of my priorities of God and family, my life took on a more orderly feel also alleviating anxiety. It seems that it was the anxiety that led to the depression.

Another thing I did was to study topically in the scriptures after watching a favorite movie, Pollyanna. I first studied the glad verses, joy, happiness, and so on. I memorized a few of these. I also discovered that it is a commandment to be happy not just a suggestion. Being a Pollyanna as opposed to Mrs. Snow  became a good thing in my book. Later, I studied charity, meaning the pure love of Christ. It seems that the reason I felt anxiety and guilt so much of the time was because I was not living charitably. These changes were not easy, but each step in the direction of Christ's love was a step away from Satan's hold on my mind.

After I began to understand how Satan used my weakness as a weapon against me, I discovered that I spent a lot of time in my head beating myself up. That had to stop. In one of John Bytheway's audios, he made a funny but very true comment. Satan's angels do not and never will have the opportunity to have bodies, because they relinquished that right to follow their evil master. Often they whisper in our minds that we are too fat/thin, tall/short, dark/fair, pimply, clumsy, big nosed, ugly, and so on. He went on the tell his target audience of young people that we ought to tell these loud mouthed spirits to be quiet. "At least I have a body." This was another tool in my favor against Satan. I have a body. I am a daughter of God. I have a purpose here on earth. I am strong enough to handle disappointment. I am spontaneous and think quickly. I'm not spending any more time in the company of losers without bodies.

A few years ago, I was a book reviewer for a small bookstore in Cedar City. It was an odd job that brought me in contact with some great and some terrible books. One book, The Mind and the Brain, confirmed all the things I had learned from the scriptures over the years. It gave the science behind my discoveries. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love science. Mind maladies can be controlled through redirecting poor behavior. In this book even people with OCD and schizophrenia were able to redirect and control their negative behaviors without meds. Surely those with anxiety and depression or bi-polar can do likewise.

We are not alone, when we feel despair...even righteous prophets have had these events. It's what we do with these feelings and how we allow God to work miracles in our lives that counts. 

"But he [Elijah] himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers."1 Kings 19:4

"Therefore now, O Lord, take, I [Jonah] beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live." Jonah 4:3

" I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me. And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness" Numbers 11:14-15

Anyone who has experienced depression or other mental illnesses knows that it is real physical pain. All these great men were crying unto the Lord in their pain. They did not seek music as Saul, David's nemesis, did. They did not seek pharmaceuticals or alcohol. They did not seek the arm of flesh or the "wisdom of men." They sought for and received divine help in alleviating their despair.  Likewise can we.

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal. Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in life."

Boyd K. Packer (1924 -) Ensign, May 1978, p.93