love thy family

“How beautiful is that home where lives a man of godly manner, who loves those for whose nurture he is responsible, who stands before them as an example of integrity and goodness, who teaches industry and loyalty, not spoiling his children by indulging their every wish, but rather setting before them a pattern of work and service which will underpin their lives forever. How fortunate is the man whose wife radiates a spirit of love, of compassion, of order, of quiet beneficence, whose children show appreciation one for another, who honor and respect their parents, who counsel with them and take counsel from them. Such home life is within the reach of all who have cultivated in their hearts a resolution to do that which will please their Father in Heaven” (in Gordon B. Hinckley Conference Report, Apr. 1985, 66; or Ensign, May 1985, 50).

When I first married and moved across the country, I was homesick for my mother. I had not yet learned the doctrine that husbands and wives should cleave to each other. "Thou shalt love thy wife[husband] with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her [him] and none else." Doctrine and Covenants 42:22 My mother and I were good friends, and for awhile this got in the way of my new priority relationship. It's not that we should turn our backs on our parents, but the focus of our lives should be in the direction of our new families.

From the very first, I wanted babies--lots of babies. "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." Genesis 1:28 This was the focus of my life back then, and if I may confess, I'd have more now. I fully bought into the commandment of husbands and wives to bring children into the world. "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his [her]reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man [woman]; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man [woman] that hath his [her] quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:3-5 But when they came, I lost focus of the primary relationship again. While children are a blessing to a husband and wife, they must not displace the reason why the two got together in the first place.

We must keep the fire glowing with frequent time alone together. This need not cost money--trade babysitting with a couple in similar family condition. Take a walk holding hands. Sip cocoa on the rug in front of the fireplace. Have a picnic in the park. Go to the temple. Once or twice a week, do something for your relationship without children. But we should have children--lots of children.

“The Lord has spoken out very strongly in this matter, constantly and continuously. He said, as one of his important commandments, ‘Multiply and replenish the earth.’ (Genesis 1:28.) That wasn’t just a hoping so; it wasn’t just something that would be kind of nice to do. The Lord said, ‘Go forward now, husband and the wife; love each other.’ They will have their children, and then they will work together for the children to see that they grow up in righteousness” (Spencer W. Kimball, in Melbourne Australia Area Conference Report 1976, 21).

“You may think me extreme, but I am going to say that a married woman who refuses to assume the responsibilities of motherhood, or who, having children, neglects them for pleasure or social prestige, is recreant to the highest calling and privilege of womankind. The father, who because of business or political or social responsibilities, fails to share with his wife the responsibilities of rearing his sons and daughters, is untrue to his marital obligations, is a negative element in what might be and should be a joyous home atmosphere, and is a possible contributor to discord and delinquency” (David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals, 477).

“The Lord organized the whole program in the beginning with a father who procreates, provides, and loves and directs, and a mother who conceives and bears and nurtures and feeds and trains. The Lord could have organized it otherwise but chose to have a unit with responsibility and purposeful associations where children train and discipline each other and come to love, honor, and appreciate each other. The family is the great plan of life, as conceived and organized by our Father in Heaven” (Spencer W. Kimball, The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 324).

There has been a lot of talk women needing to work outside the home to help provide. Baloney! Let's take a look back. In the early part of the 20th century, houses were smaller--wardrobes were smaller--furnishings were modest--vacation was a visit--nothing was wasted--toys and eating out were luxuries--cars were driven for years. Families were content with less stuff, because they understood the value of a mother in the home. We might learn a few lessons on thrift from Grandma, and seize the opportunity to raise our children ourselves.