all the difference

“[A] bride sighed blissfully on her wedding day, ‘Mom, I’m at the end of all my troubles!’ ‘Yes,’ replied her mother, ‘but at which end?’" (Bruce C. Hafen, Ensign, Nov. 1996, 26).

So many challenges occur during the course of a marriage: disagreements, selfishness, hurt feelings, bad health, childlessness, aging, disabilities, disillusionment, death, financial set-backs, wayward children, and natural disasters to name a few. Some challenges are the result of problems in the marriage, while others come as a natural part of life. Some couples will get through these difficulties better than others. The difference is based on how they view marriage-covenant or contract.

A contract is an agreement between two or more people, while a covenant, religiously speaking, is an agreement between one or more persons and God. If you view marriage as a simple contract, divorce is an easy legal way out of your troubles. “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. … Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent. Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will” (Bruce C. Hafen, Ensign, Nov. 1996, 26). Viewing marriage as a covenant has made all the difference to us.

Even though I don't agree with most of what Dr. Laura preaches, one of her ideas seems valid and has stuck with me for years. The three guidelines for ending a marriage begin with A--Adultery, Addiction, Abuse. Other things can be worked out and to tell you the truth adultery and addiction can be forgiven as well. It's the pride thing again.

We choose how we react to every situation. “No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!” (Lynn G. Robbins, Ensign, May 1998, 80). God gives us agency to choose in every situation. Our society echos Satan's teachings in telling us that we have no control over our reactions. I believe God that I can be patient and loving when challenges arise. I've tried listening to what the world (Satan) teaches--it's miserable.

"And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another." Mosiah 18:21

"Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days." Doctrine & Covenants 24:8

"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover [preventeth JST] the multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." James 1:19-20

To cure the problem of allowing ourselves to anger, catch yourself before you let frustration rule you. Instead try my proven remedy. Excuse yourself to the bathroom. Kneel down on the floor. Pray until you feel calm return. Then pray for help in seeing the other person’s point of view. It really does work especially if you keep yourself available to the Holy Ghost's influence with daily study and prayer.

"The family is Satan’s primary target. He is waging war on the family. One of his schemes is the subtle and cunning way he has of sneaking behind enemy lines and entering our very homes and lives. He damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up anger between family members. Satan is “the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Nephi 11:29). The verb stir sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers." (Lynn G. Robbins, Ensign, May 1998, 80–81).

Instead of accepting Satan's recipe for disaster let us intentionally choose harmony and peace. We must commit to bite our tongues and think a bit before we dive into Satan's trap and destroy our own homes. Take time to read the whole article by Elder Robbins with your spouse and make a few commitments to each other. If we cannot learn to resolve conflicts and not give into anger on our own, then by all means seek out the help of a bishop or LDS marriage and family counselor.