Whenever I turn my face toward God and accept His plan for me, I am content, Philippians 4:11. But then I begin to day dream of a little cottage by the sea with the lovely food forest and garden and contentment fades. Why must I torture myself so? God works in my life to build the character of Jesus through experience and circumstance if I allow Him to tumble off my rough edges, Romans 8:28-29.
I once attended a relief society lesson, where the teacher made a very interesting point. When a lemon is squeezed, lemon juice emerges. When an apple is squeezed, apple juice is the result. No matter how we wish the lemon to give sweet juice, it cannot change its nature. Will I allow God to develop in me a sweet character or will I cling to the sour?
In the last decade, I've experienced a few people with alzheimer's. Some sink into dementia and become meek and mild as a little child should be. Others become holy terrors. Neither know what they are doing. Likely, it has something to do with the character they develop along the way. If they are lemons inside, they are sour in dementia. Likewise with apples.
So as I attempt to throw off this selfish, impatient, unforgiving spirit and become sweet, meek, and mild inside, I plead that God will send along some of His grace and mercy to fill in the gaps. “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need,” Hebrews 4:16. Further, in times of anger or stress I struggle to implement this wisdom. " A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." Proverbs 15:1 Likely, this discontent, impatience, and selfishness are among the weaknesses and trials God has blessed me to learn to overcome.
But really, He has blessed me with most of my dream. Living the litte cottage by the sea, I am also surrounded by a lovely, health giving forest with many many wild berries and a huge orchard of apples and asian pears. No, the grounds are not exactly like the picture in my head, but the house is close enough to bring me to my knees in gratitude.