I like to be busy. I love to work. This week I wrote 60 devotional lessons, made red sauerkraut, made corito (cause I couldn't get any bokchoi for kimchi), sent birthday stuff to three daughters, kept up my menu, laundry, and homemaking chores, walked for health, and hosted a huge bunch of young adults night after night after night.
But my busy-ness doesn't feel like day to day, wasting time, stuff. It makes me happy if a little worn out. Each of these things brings me joy in some way, but.....I am beat. And I didn't even get to my sewing projects. I played my violin and the piano only three times. I studied from my scholar list zero times. I didn't even draw a straight line. For the first time since I juggled 4 children on 4 different ball teams with practice in 4 different locations in the city at the same time, I am at a loss as to how to do all that is required of me. And sometimes I find it’s easy to not notice all the great and wonderful things that happen all the time in little moments.
I neeeeeed to change this.
As of today, I'll begin Project Joy.
In order to be a more joyful person, I need to SEE my joy. I must make an effort to be mindful, do more of the things that make me feel joy, less of the stuff that makes me sigh.....beat.....
When I feel and act full of joy, my family is different.
Or maybe it's just me acting different and not nagging everyone.
My goal starting today is to find as much joy, as I possibly can.
Even if I have to go around pasting a smile on my face and faking joy until I feel it, so be it.
I know this works, because some one actually studied this stuff here. No joking!
I don't know where this is going to lead, but something has got to give around here. I can't continue to write 9 books plus lesson plans for 3 different groups of youngsters for 12 hours per day 6 days per week under stressful deadlines. I've got to figure out a better way. And I need to do more of the stuff that I love, like writing Grand Adventures magazine for my grands, like visiting my family, like all my indoor gardening and sprouting and culturing and blending, like going to the temple and washing dishes with the fam, like walking and singing and fiddling and sewing and drawing and sigh....I'm only one girl with a fake smile pasted on her face hoping it works as well as a fake botox smile to make me feel more joy.
